19th November.
It's hard; sitting in this dark, empty room all by myself. Everytime I thought it would be better, finally it's gonna be brighter, it gets darker and darker. Until at some point I can't even see my own two hands, I can't feel my own two feet. I am numb. Paralyse would be better to hear.
I lose hope. There won't be any light coming in any time closer.
Who would do such a terrible thing to me? An enemy, perhaps? I don't have any idea who the person might be. Wait, or maybe... I locked myself up. I am the enemy. I locked myself up in a dungeon nowhere near town, nowhere near lights.
p/s : I don't want people to think I'm weak, because I'm trying so hard to be tough; to look tough
The ending for a sad-ending story
12th of November.
I'm having the suitcase of my life with me. Ready to let go, ready to move on. When I'm about to leave, he passed by. I don't have any idea whether this is all his plans or just.... Coincidence. Whether the world tells me not to move on because he's always there.
I saw his friend, where his friend is my friend. A good friend from my point of view. His friend asked me to dinner. I strictly said no, knowing that he's joining. I made a clear decision to forget about him. His friend pleaded for me to join them. Why not? This is the last time I'll be seeing him, eh?
At the dinner...
Not a single word from him. He doesn't even look away from his food. Fine with me. He threw me away from his life. That's okay, that's alright. I'm good knowing I meant nothing to him. There will be no part of me that's holding on. I spent the rest of the night with his friend.
I'm about to leave. The plane's waiting for me. My new life's waiting for me. There's no turning back now. This is it. This is the last page for the book. I'm leaving. This story doesn't end with a happy ending. I turn around, considering that it's the last look for my 'old' life, I saw him, watching me. I kinda see the sadness in his eyes.
It's okay. He has his own girl to make him feel better. And this time, the girl is not me.
I'm having the suitcase of my life with me. Ready to let go, ready to move on. When I'm about to leave, he passed by. I don't have any idea whether this is all his plans or just.... Coincidence. Whether the world tells me not to move on because he's always there.
I saw his friend, where his friend is my friend. A good friend from my point of view. His friend asked me to dinner. I strictly said no, knowing that he's joining. I made a clear decision to forget about him. His friend pleaded for me to join them. Why not? This is the last time I'll be seeing him, eh?
At the dinner...
Not a single word from him. He doesn't even look away from his food. Fine with me. He threw me away from his life. That's okay, that's alright. I'm good knowing I meant nothing to him. There will be no part of me that's holding on. I spent the rest of the night with his friend.
I'm about to leave. The plane's waiting for me. My new life's waiting for me. There's no turning back now. This is it. This is the last page for the book. I'm leaving. This story doesn't end with a happy ending. I turn around, considering that it's the last look for my 'old' life, I saw him, watching me. I kinda see the sadness in his eyes.
It's okay. He has his own girl to make him feel better. And this time, the girl is not me.
10th of October
10th of October.
Just when I thought I was about to take a good glance of sunshine in a gloomy day, it started to rain. Not a heavy rain, just a drizzly one. I realized that I didn't have my umbrella with me. Someone took it from me. My favourite umbrella. The one that I had been using for all this while.
It wasn't raining anymore but it was clearly still a cloudy day. I kept on moving, while trying to smile. At least I tried to fake it. It looked almost as if I'm smiling, with real smile. Good enough. To wear a decent white clothes, checked! To fake a smile, checked! To keep on moving, blank. To actually be happy, blank.
Walked and kept walking. Past the crossroads, past the fly-overs. Alone. No one stood behind me, nor in front of me. My aim, to walk to the horizon. I was nearly 100% sure that it would be nice there. That I would actually be happy and tick the two blanks on my checklist.
But it's still cloudy. I'm still a psycho, I don't have any umbrella left. It's near impossible
Just when I thought I was about to take a good glance of sunshine in a gloomy day, it started to rain. Not a heavy rain, just a drizzly one. I realized that I didn't have my umbrella with me. Someone took it from me. My favourite umbrella. The one that I had been using for all this while.
It wasn't raining anymore but it was clearly still a cloudy day. I kept on moving, while trying to smile. At least I tried to fake it. It looked almost as if I'm smiling, with real smile. Good enough. To wear a decent white clothes, checked! To fake a smile, checked! To keep on moving, blank. To actually be happy, blank.
Walked and kept walking. Past the crossroads, past the fly-overs. Alone. No one stood behind me, nor in front of me. My aim, to walk to the horizon. I was nearly 100% sure that it would be nice there. That I would actually be happy and tick the two blanks on my checklist.
But it's still cloudy. I'm still a psycho, I don't have any umbrella left. It's near impossible
A story.
This is my story,
The story where I give up,
I give up on love,
I give up on hope,
I can't see anything in front of me.
But I need to keep going,
I know somehow, somewhere, someone is waiting for me.
Someone worth it.
Despite how awful I look,
Despite how worn I've become.
I need to stand up, even though I'm all alone,
It doesn't matter.
It doesn't matter...
I can't see anything in front of me.
But I need to keep going,
I know somehow, somewhere, someone is waiting for me.
Someone worth it.
Despite how awful I look,
Despite how worn I've become.
I need to stand up, even though I'm all alone,
It doesn't matter.
It doesn't matter...
Back.
Currently hitting myself for the twitlimit! Why?!!! Why do this to me right now?!! I'm having the time of my life.
I haven't had any 'the time of my life' since like, forever! I've been running away. That's what I like to say when other people ask me. Because community suck.
When you start to like someone for who they really are, someone or something will get in your way. And even though you date the wrong ones and somehow you know it but you're too damn stubborn to do something about it, you'll think that they're actually THE ONE!
The one.... Funny thing! I've never actually believe that the one is coming.. Not on this time being. I stop believe in things, believe in people. Because believing means the risk to get betray is higher.
I bet you must be wondering why I didn't write anything for a bit long time, didn't you? Well that's because there are nothing to tell. Just because of that.
What makes me really excited right now is the new series of How I Met Your Mother. That's what makes me going on.
I haven't had any 'the time of my life' since like, forever! I've been running away. That's what I like to say when other people ask me. Because community suck.
When you start to like someone for who they really are, someone or something will get in your way. And even though you date the wrong ones and somehow you know it but you're too damn stubborn to do something about it, you'll think that they're actually THE ONE!
The one.... Funny thing! I've never actually believe that the one is coming.. Not on this time being. I stop believe in things, believe in people. Because believing means the risk to get betray is higher.
I bet you must be wondering why I didn't write anything for a bit long time, didn't you? Well that's because there are nothing to tell. Just because of that.
What makes me really excited right now is the new series of How I Met Your Mother. That's what makes me going on.
Happy Eid-ul Fitr
Hi and assalamualaikum guys...
For most Muslim people, 19th of August 2012 is the best day of their lives. Raya has arrived!! After a long full month of fasting, finally we celebrate it with the arrival of Raya. I bet your first Raya was amazing, right? Mine was horrible. I might say terrible. Raya eve was tiring, we cleaned the house, we cooked. We do everything. I woke up on Hari Raya at 8:30!!!! Missed Raya prayer :( When we came over to Opah's house, no one was there. Only two out of four families came!!!!!!!! Bored as hell I tell you. No cousins, no laughters, no loud noises, HORRIBLE!!!! The worst Raya I've ever had in my life so far. But still, it's hari raya. May tomorrow will be better :)
For most Muslim people, 19th of August 2012 is the best day of their lives. Raya has arrived!! After a long full month of fasting, finally we celebrate it with the arrival of Raya. I bet your first Raya was amazing, right? Mine was horrible. I might say terrible. Raya eve was tiring, we cleaned the house, we cooked. We do everything. I woke up on Hari Raya at 8:30!!!! Missed Raya prayer :( When we came over to Opah's house, no one was there. Only two out of four families came!!!!!!!! Bored as hell I tell you. No cousins, no laughters, no loud noises, HORRIBLE!!!! The worst Raya I've ever had in my life so far. But still, it's hari raya. May tomorrow will be better :)
 |
| I looked a bit awkward :( |
 |
| Me, Aliya Balqis and Kakyong! |
 |
| Kidnapped Atok before he goes solat |
 |
| With kakyong at Opah's house |
 |
| With my fucking brother. He is taller than me! Fuck fuck |
 |
| Look at the Nur in my face after mandi Hari Raya ^^v |
 |
| Testing one two three four |
Happy Birthday dear friend!!!!!
Hi and assalamualaikum guys...
Today is the most special day for this cute girl above. It's her 15th birthday!!! Happy birthday gedik, I love you so much!!! You were there, always there, when I needed you. I can't thank you for what you did for me, and how you've change my life. You gave me strength when I'm at my lowest, even though you constantly do stupid things and can't let me live happily and calmly. You hit me then you hug me, you punched me then you comforted me. But whatever happens, I know you still love me (ahakss so perasan) and I hope you know that I love you too.
Wong Jiamun is her name. 16th August is her day. My best friend she will always be. Muahhh!!! :*
P/S : Will see you at school after holidays. Claim your birthday present okay? I love you
I'm here to tell you that everything is gonna be okay.
Assalamualaikum and hi guys...
Finally trials are over. Feels relieved a bit, huh? Yea I guess so, a bit. So, it goes back to me and my problems. I left this lovely blog of mine for about 2 weeks now if I'm not mistaken, but in those two weeks, the hell there's so much had happened. Like, that seriously happened to me? In two weeks? Weeks where I have my trials going on? Wow.
For me, boyfriends and girlfriends must be there for each other. Every minute, every second. Don't you think it should be that way? What's the use of girlfriends/boyfriends if you keep your problems to yourself? They aren't here for your love only. They're here for you through thick and thin. At least true boyfriends/girlfriends do that. Now, Fiq has changed. Really, a different person! I know something is up because he is not usually like this. I know my Fiq. When I ask him, he said he was okay. I'm not that stupid, you know? I can tell when he's lying and when he's not. By the way he said he was okay, I know he was not okay. And until this moment, I don't really know what happened. He just said it is a family matter and that I shouldn't interfere. Okay, understood. Just gonna step back and be there for him when he needs me.
Finally trials are over. Feels relieved a bit, huh? Yea I guess so, a bit. So, it goes back to me and my problems. I left this lovely blog of mine for about 2 weeks now if I'm not mistaken, but in those two weeks, the hell there's so much had happened. Like, that seriously happened to me? In two weeks? Weeks where I have my trials going on? Wow.
For me, boyfriends and girlfriends must be there for each other. Every minute, every second. Don't you think it should be that way? What's the use of girlfriends/boyfriends if you keep your problems to yourself? They aren't here for your love only. They're here for you through thick and thin. At least true boyfriends/girlfriends do that. Now, Fiq has changed. Really, a different person! I know something is up because he is not usually like this. I know my Fiq. When I ask him, he said he was okay. I'm not that stupid, you know? I can tell when he's lying and when he's not. By the way he said he was okay, I know he was not okay. And until this moment, I don't really know what happened. He just said it is a family matter and that I shouldn't interfere. Okay, understood. Just gonna step back and be there for him when he needs me.
Lily, die in peace
Did you remember that you once said that you'd never leave me alone? At that time you left because you had some homework to finish. You were so worried about leaving me alone and you couldn't stop saying sorry for the whole night. Did you remember that you once said that you'd never find someone else to replace me? You said that because I was angry at you for liking Izara Aishah so much. That was the first time you ever said, 'I cintakan you.'
Everything is so different right now. I don't know what went wrong. Is it because of me? Well, I'm sorry for loving you too much.
Everything is so different right now. I don't know what went wrong. Is it because of me? Well, I'm sorry for loving you too much.
Feeling stupid for caring about someone way more than they care about you
Hello and assalamualaikum guys...
Truth be told, I'm hurt, deeply. I'm a girl, I know what other girls feel. No girls would've go somewhere with her ex unless she's still in love with him. No girls would've do that if she doesn't feel anything. Just going out buying 'baju raya' together, as friends? NO! I don't want to go on a date with my ex. Hell, I don't even want to see their faces. Unless if I still have hopes that we will end up together again.
But yeah, I'm the cool girlfriend trying to be cool with this whole shit. Even if it hurts so much, I can't be selfish. He has his own right to go out with other girls, even if it's his ex. But the more I think about it, the more I accuse myself of being stupid that I let this thing escape. Am I stupid? It looks like I am, but I love him. I don't want because of this matter, things become awkward. But if I let things go by, I'm afraid that he will think that, 'Ahh, Lily wouldn't mind if we do this again. She loves me.' I feel like crap.
Truth be told, I'm hurt, deeply. I'm a girl, I know what other girls feel. No girls would've go somewhere with her ex unless she's still in love with him. No girls would've do that if she doesn't feel anything. Just going out buying 'baju raya' together, as friends? NO! I don't want to go on a date with my ex. Hell, I don't even want to see their faces. Unless if I still have hopes that we will end up together again.
But yeah, I'm the cool girlfriend trying to be cool with this whole shit. Even if it hurts so much, I can't be selfish. He has his own right to go out with other girls, even if it's his ex. But the more I think about it, the more I accuse myself of being stupid that I let this thing escape. Am I stupid? It looks like I am, but I love him. I don't want because of this matter, things become awkward. But if I let things go by, I'm afraid that he will think that, 'Ahh, Lily wouldn't mind if we do this again. She loves me.' I feel like crap.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)