She is so perfect. Her big black giant eyes, her eyelashes, oh god her eyelashes. Everything about her is perfect. It's so perfect until it hurts. It hurts to see her talking to other guys. It hurts to see her laugh knowing that I'm not the reason. I made her laugh numerous times, and it felt wonderful. If I could be doing only one thing in this world, to make her smile, I would do. But I know that deep in her heart she would never see me as someone more than a friend. What could I offer? What else to offer? I have nothing and she deserves someone who is willing to give everything. She deserves someone better, much much better than me.
We spend most nights together; laughing, talking. She knows me better than anyone else in the world and I am sure that I know her more than she ever knew. I remember all the little details she told me, I know that she really likes something if she ever talks about it more than twice, I know that when she is on her period, she tends to have cramps and gets super emotional, and I would listen to her complaining about how unhappy she is, and how ugly she looks, and how fat she is getting. I would tell her she is beautiful inside and out every time she is about to break down. I know that she loves chocolate but get sick from it way too fast. I know that she always pick tea over coffee.
It's just something I don't really have a clue about. Being in love with her hurts so much. It hurts to see her cry, hating herself, and all I could do is hold her. If I had the ability to do anything, I would want to pick her insecurities out of her soul so she would lover being her. It hurts to see her with the jerks out there who don't know how to treat her right. Loving her hurts too much.
But that doesn't mean I will stop loving her. That doesn't mean I will stop protecting her. Even if she can't love me as a lover, at least she loves me as a friend, or a brother, that would be more than enough. Love doesn't always mean having that person by your side as your lover. Love sometimes means the willing to do anything for the person even though that means hurting yourself. I just want to make her happy. I just want to see her smile. I want to see those big black eyes sparkle again. I want to see that lips curve a smile again. I want to hear that voice laugh again.
I just want to make her happy. Because my happiness lies on her.